- GOD: Without me, there won’t be earth, beautiful babies, and that delicious cake you’re eating right now
- Me: You mean, without you there won’t be natural disasters, human sufferings, and a stinky job i have to withstand every single day to pay for this cake?
- GOD: Well if you put it that way…
Me: Why am i lonely?
Friend: Because you hurt the people you love most
Me: I do???
Street vendor: Yes you do.
Me: …..
Ketika kau membeku dilumat keabadian
Semua arti larut jadi tiada
Dan aku harus belajar untuk memahami lagi
Karena biruku jadi birunya si buta yang bisa melihat lagi
Dan warnanya tak sama dengan yang nyata di mimpinya
Belum habis murka yang kuutarakan padamu
Belum tuntas maksud yang kucobakan kau mengerti
Belum puas angkuh yang kutunjukkan untuk membuatmu jauh
Dan seperti kabut pagi yang mengganggu
Kau luntur tiba-tiba
Meninggalkanku diam kehilangan kata-kata
Aku tidak sering menangisimu
Dan ketika tangisku merebak
Aku sering tak tahu apa maknanya
Dan kenapa
Apakah aku mencintaimu
Atau aku kehilanganmu
Lalu apa artinya
Apa yang harus kuresapi
Hadirmu jarang kumaknai
Jarang kusyukuri
Hanya kumaklumi
Kini kutahu banyak yang kulewati
Harusnya tak kubiarkan ragu dan benci menggerogotiku
Harusnya kumengerti
Hingga aku kini bisa meratapimu sepenuh hati
Aku tak pernah mengerti siapa dirimu
Akhirnya akupun tak akan bisa mengerti
Kau, aku dan hidup akan tetap jadi misteri
Mungkin memang harusnya aku tak melulu bertanya
Dan hidupku denganmu dijalani dan dimaknai sebisanya
Aku bersalah
Dan kini aku merindukanmu
Juga tanda-tanda cintamu yang terserak
Kungin membuat ingatan tentangmu bisu
Karena rinduku tidak haru biru
Tak terpetakan
Mengerikan
Kucari baumu di semua ruang tanpa bertanya kenapa
Ku tumpuk dan kulipat rapi semua kata-kata cintaku yang tak sempat kusampaikan
Bukan untuk kuberi tujuan
Hanya untuk kusimpan
Dan bahkan tak sering kupandangi
Aku mencintaimu
Kini setelah tak ada tangan yang bisa kugenggam
Tak ada mata yang bisa kutatap
Setelah tak ada keberangkatan yang harus dikejar
Aku sungguh-sungguh mencintaimu
Me : Have you got the result
Doctor?
Doctor : *nods*
Me : So what is it ?
Advance
paranoia ? Schizophrenia ? A case of terminal madness???
Doctor : I’m afraid it’s the worst
one….
Me : Oh no…. God no… Don’t
tell me that it’s……
Doctor : I’m terribly sorry.
Me : Please… not that one…
anything but that….
Doctor : Miss, you’re a hopeless
romantic….
Me : NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Why God?!!
WHY???!!!!
In better days
Where the sun is shining a bit brighter
And everything good seems possible
I close my eyes
I shut my ears
And forget all doubts and fear
To think that in the slightest chance
As well as I to you
You might also
*chuckle*
Imagine my smile on mid air
Seek my face amongst random pictures
Ponder when you heard my name mentioned
Even if the rain starts pouring down
And my favorite shoes are soaked in a puddle of mud
I start to glow
Seems like too hard to come by
So far a distance to cross
Too many people to reason
The sneers, the talks, the heart breaking whispers
Your reality that bites and occupies like tumor
And the one who adores that outshines all
I am…
A twist of story everyone repulse
A character no one would put on the throne
A crack in their tale of something perfect
Still it all won’t matter
But then I look at my reflection
And I can see I might struggle alone
Am I….
Something that seems appealing in a distant
But when reached
All glory turns to dust
That when the picture isn’t pretty
And the tide is high
You would run away
I once mourned for you for what seems like ages
For the pain you’ve caused me
And the fall and worthlessness you’ve made me feel
Even the thought of going back to that state
Sucks the life out of my soul
And my old wounds start bleeding again…
I plunged with a big jump
Carefree and child like
And now I’m drowning in deep water
Drifting in your lingo
You’re telling me but my mind can’t hear
Or maybe my head
Or is it my heart
That is too afraid to translate
I listen harder
Trying to figure
But I’m down here under
And the water is too murky
Is it joy that you feel when we talk
Perhaps you’re simply bewildered and clueless
Or have you hardened your heart to end us
Was there ever even an us
I’m lost dear and shivering cold
Sinking rapidly but I let it
Curled up and washes away all questions
Hoping to be numb forever
And then there’s silence
would i be happy
would it be agony
i want to cherish life
puff my eyes with a shade of rose
blows a song amongst passers by
gleam with light for a scent i know
catch a sign and hide it in my treasure box
to blush in a nick of gaze
oh how such beauties take them for granted
to scatter such joy on their pathway
oh how such titans are lonely
to embrace a moon glow that vanishes
in every, there’s a heart
as valiant, as vulnerable
to be crowned is a view far away from my hole
so numb and apart from all pain
that only the brightest light can peek
i could never tell
i would never dare
strays are hurt darlings
beaten by life, mocked by faith
they long for strokes
but used of abandonment
people caress and play and leave
contented of good deeds
proud of the conquer
It sees them passes by
dried tears and heartache
killed would be better than toyed
I want to doodle cloud
to dive in lavender
but i fear of empty meadows
and pity would make me fester
so scoop me off my high shelf
or pull and let me crash
but never leave me dusty and wonder
amongst the colors and the cheers
within the sparks and the senses
i plead to be spared
for what is brought to me is rarely as sweet
and what seems like armor would often crumble
as people battle me for i look fierce
and people flee from me as i felt like ice
while i am not more than naked
while i am none other than hungry
while i am longing nothing than to be reached
and i would be bruised and wounded if you want
Yep.
That’s me
Closer to 30 than 20
I might as well be dead in some countries with high death rate
And of course, Los Angeles
Los Angeles, city of angels, get it?
If you don’t pass the pencil and boob test you ain’t nobody’s angel, you’re out!
Like a friend once told me through his story when he was in Japan,
he asked a direction for a street to this fine young woman and she answered that he’s in the wrong street,"The street you want to go to is for the young women.", so she said.
She was 23.
See the point here?
teens: loved, voluptuous creatures, perky and happy
23: OLD
26: beyond help
Then again, it’s Japan
They went suicidal a lot there
I passed my 26′th birthday by watching mermaid movies…
Do you know that mermaid is actually an untouchable male fantasy?
Desirable to watch, but deadly when touched.
They’re young beautiful women with breath taking physique that lures the sailors in to their embrace. But if they do, they’re dead since they actually, well, kill and in some cultures, eat those men.
And even if they are the nicest of their kind and have embraced a vegan’s life, they don’t have a vagina to start with.
And that’s when i started to feel better
I’m not an immortal that stays young forever
I’m not beautiful according to Vogue standart
Nor that i have a great career of swimming on the sea and hunting men
But at least i have a vagina
And i don’t have to swap my tongue in order to get one and went tantrum when i can’t by eating men.
I’m blessed!
Pointless actually
